Effective Mentoring

What's My Purpose?

A mentor is an older, more experienced person who helps a person who is seeking - for wisdom, direction, God's will, etc. - to reach his or her God-given potential. A mentor can fulfill many different roles: Guide, Trailblazer, Coach, Lifeguard, and Role Model. A mentor's three main tasks are to support, challenge, and provide vision for the mentee.

Support

A mentor should provide structure and direction for a student in the midst of change (i.e., going away to college) by providing expectations, simple tasks, and developing achievable goals.

Challenge

A mentor should challenge the mentee to consider alternative perspectives. A mentor should set high standards for the mentee and help them achieve those standards. A good mentor asks tough questions about all areas of life - including spiritual life - in order to help strengthen the mentee's faith in God. A mentee needs encouragement to participate in personal devotions and prayer time, church, Bible studies, and other activities that strengthen their walk with the Lord.

Provide Vision

A mentor should help the mentee see their God-given potential and explore the possible options that lie ahead of them. A mentor needs to fuel a mentee's curiosity about God's call in their life and connect them with people in the mentee's field of interest in order to learn from them as well.

What do I do?

First, begin by reflecting on your own life. These questions may help:

Have you ever had a mentor? What did your mentor do for you?

What did you learn from your mentor? How can you translate that to your mentee?

Getting Started

Set ground rules for your relationship concerning confidentiality, accountability, and acceptable communication.
Set goals for the mentorship. Discuss what each of you hopes to accomplish, paying close attention to the mentee's goals.
Understand from the beginning that the mentorship isn't permanent; it is acceptable to end the mentorship for a valid reason.

Maintaining

Plan appropriate means of communication, such as by email, telephone, or snail mail.
Meet face-to-face on a regular basis or whenever possible. Regular meetings are beneficial to the mentee because you become someone that your mentee can depend on.
Take time to provide feedback on how each of you feels the mentorship is going. Be honest with each other.

Transitioning

When you reach your established goals, it is okay to move on. Celebrate that you both have accomplished what you set out to do.
If the mentorship isn't going like either of you had hoped, it is acceptable to end the mentorship. Continue to encourage the mentee. Help them to find someone new to help them.
If you are separated from your mentee by a great distance and it is hard to maintain an intentional relationship, encourage them to find a mentor geographically closer with whom they can meet with regularly.

Helpful Tips

Pray

Above all, pray for your mentee. Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in them. Pray that the mentorship is beneficial.

Be intentional

Put forth the effort to make the relationship work. Commit to your mentee and to their growth in all areas of their life. Commit yourself to the mentoring process. Believe in your mentee, and invest yourself in them.

Actively listen to the mentee

Ask relevant questions in order to truly grasp what they are communicating. Don't assume that you understand them. Remember that communication goes beyond what is said to what is expressed by actions and demeanor.

Be yourself

Be honest and real with your mentee. Help them get to know you as you get to know them. Feel free to share your own personal struggles and triumphs at appropriate times.

Know your mentee holistically

Get to know your mentee on all levels, not simply their faith or vocation. Talk about family, relationships, and extracurricular activities as well.

Know your own limitations

You are not going to have every answer for your mentee. Be willing to refer them to other people more knowledgeable in something that your mentee is interested in or in an area that is beyond your expertise. Provide support for their journey, such as books to read or looking into available resources, not "quick fixes" to a problem.

Added Resources

Web Sites

www.chog.org/ministries/ldeffectivementoring.asp

www.mentoring.org

www.mentoringgroup.com

Articles

Young, Clara Y. "Mentoring: the Components for Success." Journal of Instructional Psychology. September 2001: 202-6.

Brosend, William. "Unless Someone Guides Me." The Christian Century. 10 May 2000: 535.

Cannister, Mark W. "Mentoring and the Spiritual Well-Being of Late Adolescents." Adolescence. Winter 1999: 769-79.

Books

Biehl, B. Mentoring: Confidence in Finding a Mentor and Becoming One. Broadman and Holman, 1997.

Clinton, Robert and Stanley, Paul. Connecting: the Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed in Life. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 1992.

Elmore, T. How To Invest Your Life in Others. Kingdom Building Ministries, 1995.

Hendricks and Hendricks. As Iron Sharpens Iron: Building Character in A Mentoring Relationship. Chicago, IL: Moody Press, 1995.

Final Thoughts

Things to Avoid

Being too quick with advice
Being judgmental
Suggesting a quick fix to a problem that goes deeper than the surface
Hearing the mentee, but not listening to them
Creating a carbon copy of yourself

Recap: A Good Mentor Is...

Most importantly, a good, active listener. They seek to understand what their mentee is telling them and ask valid questions. Often a mentee simply wants to be listened to and understood.

An effective mentor is:

Committed
Accepting
Supportive
Understanding